Glass hammer, long stand and the fabled tartan paint, 6 ft of fallopian tubing, bag of sparks for a welder, left handed adjustable metric wrench.
All old and heard many times now. Perhaps we should start some next generation ones of them here.
1. Bags for a dyson vacuum cleaner
2. New lead for an LED light bulb.
3. Forum anchor to stop a thread drifting.
4. A long life Alfa suspension bush.
5. A no quibble warranty that Maserati honour !
Yes i know. No one would fall for number 5
Customer service prank calls i have seen over the years working in logistics. Somebody phoning Iraqi airlines in 1990 to make a booking to Kuwait.
Funny and genuine conversation. I wont name the airline but i used to ship human remains by air 3 or 4 times a month. When you make a booking you need to give the airline the actual weight and dimensions of the shipment. The problem with human remains shipments is the weight and dims vary alot so its a guess to make the booking and you then update the details when the coffin arrives at depot. I obviously got the trainee this particular day. Making the booking became hard work but im pretty patient with the trainees.
Me to airline: ive got a human remains booking for you.
Airline: pieces and weight ?
Me: ? Erm its 1 piece estimate 150 kgs for now and i will call you back and confirm the actual weight as soon as it comes into us.
Airline. Ok but i need the actual weight. Can i have the dimensions ?
Me: estimate them at 200 x 70 x 50 cms and i will ring you with the actual dims when it arrives with me.
Airline: i need the actual dims otherwise i cant put the booking through.
Me: you dont. Ask one of your colleagues i book these every week with you. Why do you need the dimensions now when your colleagues just need an estimate until the body arrives with me.
Airline: i need to put the dimensions in so i can work out if it charged on the actual weight or the volume weight.
Me: Can you please speak to one of your colleagues they know how to do these booking.
I can assure you its definately DEAD weight !!
Airline: can i put you on hold while i check with my colleague.
Me: sure no problem.
Airline: ive checked with my colleague amd they have said its DEAD weight too. So i can take the booking.
Me: Thanks very much. I will call you later with the confirmed weight and dims.
We did actually manage to get the ASDA receptionist at the time to put a store announcement out for Mike Hunt to come to staff reception. Thursday night antics were rife. My that was about 1990 I expect!
The receptionist was a lovely girl....blonde of course. Trying to remember her name now as should apologise! I have no idea how we kept a straight face asking her to put the announcement out or that she didn't snag it either. Golden.
My partner of 15 years is foreign, speaks better English than me but doesn't always get the 'in' jokes especially if they are from a while back. She comes home from work and says "Can 'lunchbox' mean a man's 'package'?" I told her the old Linford Christie thing and she was mortified.
in the eating area at work some chap had walked in with a fancy sandwich box and she'd said aloud 'Ooh, you've got lovely lunchbox'
Everyone cracked up and she was mortified. And I promised never to tell anyone.