Terrible Jokes Thread

philw696

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A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing £1000 bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay", grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man.”
 

2b1ask1

Special case
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18,873
Possibly one for the 'What are you listening to now' thread but...

Watching Glastonbury, I’m reminded that the reason ABBA never did festivals is that Agnetha once got stuck in the toilet. A portaloo. Couldn’t escape if she wanted to.

C
definitely worthy of this thread Chris.
 

mowlas

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1,157
Possibly one for the 'What are you listening to now' thread but...

Watching Glastonbury, I’m reminded that the reason ABBA never did festivals is that Agnetha once got stuck in the toilet. A portaloo. Couldn’t escape if she wanted to.

C
I heard she fired their roady that day for forgetting to bring her luxury toilet on wheels. She quipped that he should have been better at “knowing me, and towing loo”.
 

spkennyuk

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Messages
5,487
A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing £1000 bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay", grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man.”

A week later the Tax mans ex wife heard about the bet and beat her ex husband. She managed to squeeze another 6 drops from the lemon and took half his previous winnings. :oops:;)
 
Last edited:

mowlas

Member
Messages
1,157
The BBC has reported that a Tibetan monk recently found the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He is quoted as saying, "I can't believe it's not Buddha".
God news spreads fast. This must have presented quite a dalia-lemma for the monk.