Terrible Jokes Thread

Nibby

Nibby

Member
Messages
2,065
The Guinness Book Of Records come to town to confirm a few records, Tom Thumb goes in first and comes out 10 minutes later jumping for joy “I’m the shortest man in the world” in next goes Cinderella to confirm she’s the prettiest girl in the world, 10 minutes later she comes out with a beaming smile “I’m the prettiest girl in the world” next in is Quasimodo to confirm he’s the ugliest man in the world, 10 minutes later he comes out and looking miserable and says “Who’s Jeremy Corbyn?”
 
philw696

philw696

Member
Messages
25,334
Nibby said:
The Guinness Book Of Records come to town to confirm a few records, Tom Thumb goes in first and comes out 10 minutes later jumping for joy “I’m the shortest man in the world” in next goes Cinderella to confirm she’s the prettiest girl in the world, 10 minutes later she comes out with a beaming smile “I’m the prettiest girl in the world” next in is Quasimodo to confirm he’s the ugliest man in the world, 10 minutes later he comes out and looking miserable and says “Who’s Jeremy Corbyn?”
Click to expand...
Harsh and I bet he's feeling a lot better than BoJo today ;)
 
MarkMas

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,893
midlifecrisis said:
Found a decent curry house in Haywards Heath, they're quite experimental too. I had the pelican Madras.

It was very tasty, but the bill was enormous.
Click to expand...

A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for a condom.
Pharmacist "Do you want me to put that on your bill?"
Duck: "What kind of duck do you think I am?"
 
E

Ebenezer

Member
Messages
4,485
With apologies to @Oishi for ripping off and adapting his post from ML and to the original poster Ivan on Ferrarichat

'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Maserati, its battery was dead.

Its bumpers were rusted, the subframe had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles

The tyres had dry-rot, the petrol tank leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.

So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.

The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was water pump chatter.

From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The heater matrix had just fused the dash!

I’ve had it with Maseratis I finally swore
Enough is too much! I can’t take any more!

Then who to my red, teary eyes should appear?
But a dark swarthy chap, full of cheer.
His eyes, how they twinkled, must be the disaronno!
You need my help? My name's Conaero!

This one can be saved; there is no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you gotta believe!

A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When they built these cars, they just made up the rules!
We’ll get her cranked over, no way that she’ll stall
(But stand over there with you back to the wall.)

A cough and a sputter, the V8, decatted straight through X-Piped cacophony was stunning
I couldn’t believe it! The **** thing was running!

He winked at me and said, kicking a tyre,
Whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH THIS WIRE!

And giving a nod, he then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.

So I opened the shed door and let the top down
Put pedal to metal and went out on the town.

And I thought to myself as I drove out of sight
Merry Christmas to All and to all a good night!

Eb
 
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