Have you been in a coma?
Well, it started off like this, a man in China bought a bat and chips for his post pub crawl meal. The bat had flu. The man got really bad flu and sneezed on some other people, who spread the flu all round the world. This was called Chinese flu. Then the British being smarter than everyone else improved the Chinese flu. This became the English flu. It was especially developed so that the UK could test its Brexit border plans and preparations. This was a good idea, because it proved our fish would go off waiting at the port. So, the British Brexit negotiators pretended to relinquish some uk fishing rights to get a deal done. Ingenious strategy, develop our own flu, close the borders, test the system and give away some fish. Job done.
The next bit is really good, we’re inoculating 150k people a week, so with 65m people it’s only going to take about 10years to give everyone 1 jab...
And in a show of defiant unity the EU started inoculating everyone on the same day, apart from some Germans who started a day earlier, because they run the EU.
But the Danish are having the last laugh, they are developing mink flu, which makes you cough and go really really hairy.
I know all of the above to be true, because John down the pub, where I had a scotch egg for lunch told me. Yes, we are in Tier 2, but I’ll cover the Tiers in another update as I’ve just realised I can’t smell bullsh1t anymore....