The No Loader Thread

[Oishi]

Okay, we have a low loader thread, for those inglorious times we have to drag the beast home.
But what about the times that is not an option, and beside (or in) the road repairs must be made? Bodge or not, let this be a thread to extol our derring-do with spanners, or pocket knives, or bubble gum and bailing wire, to get the vehicle home.
And unless it involves some weird stuff like driving the car up the armco to get a wheel off the ground, tire changes don't count.
Lets hear some great stories.....

 

[Swedish Paul]

Not broken down exactly, but had to be dragged off a tree with a tractor once. The car was never the same again.

 

[safrane]

AC compressor went on one of my coupes some 7 years back. It had mealted the clutch unit and would not budge... it was so tight it prevented the car from starting.

Had to cut the Aux belt to start and move the car off the hotels front access, and wait for a recovery vehicle as 1k miles home with no PAS, AC, or alternator was far too risky.

 

[mjheathcote]

I had two roadside breakdowns in my Stag when it was a daily driver for me in the late 80's.
First it conked out with iratic misfire problems. I found the condenser loose in the base of the distributor, and the retaining screw had fallen down into the bottom, not easy to retrieve at the side of the road with limited tools.
I therefore searched around the car for a suitable replacement and the stainless steel finishing strip, retaining the carpet on the door sill, looked to have suitable screws. One of these screws, with a bit of reclaimed insulating tape to pack it a bit, got me home. I fitted lumenition electronic ignition after that.
The second was a simple throttle cable breakage. It was very late, at night on my way home from a night out with some mates, and I look the long laces from both of my trendy addidas trainers, tied them together, threaded them through a spare hole in the bulkhead to the carburetor linkage, and drove home pulling on the long lace. It's an auto so wasn't too bad!
Both these was when I was still at Poly, and before I restored her, so was really a typical "tired old car".
No mobile phones back then like today at least, so if I couldn't sort it myself, it would have been find the nearest phone box!

Edit: Another with the Stag only a couple of years ago was on classic car drive it day arranged by this very group in North Yorkshire. The battery completely died after the first 60 mile or so drive to the first meeting point. Had to use a lithium jump pack to start her after every stop, the alternator was then sufficient just for the lumenition ignition. Wunderful things those jump packs!

 

[redsonnylee]

Once I was driving my old 3200 to the Maserati shed from London, had to pull over 5 times to use the throttle reset procedure as kept going into limp mode. Luckily I had taken the day off work

 

[Gooner]

As a young married student in the 1980s I returned to the Uni multi-storey with my wife to get in our Mini and drive home. The steering wheel had been nicked; apparently this was a tactic to make you leave the car overnight so the thieves could come back.

Whatever, I wanted to make sure we got home. I got some mole grips from the boot and clamped them firmly to the steering column. I had to take left turns pretty slowly but straights were fine. Being 19 I ignored the possibility that they would spring off. We got some odd looks at a traffic light as the people next to us tried to work out who was driving and how.

God know what I would say to one of my kids if they suggested something so daft.

 

[Gp79]

As a young married student in the 1980s I returned to the Uni multi-storey with my wife to get in our Mini and drive home. The steering wheel had been nicked; apparently this was a tactic to make you leave the car overnight so the thieves could come back.

Whatever, I wanted to make sure we got home. I got some mole grips from the boot and clamped them firmly to the steering column. I had to take left turns pretty slowly but straights were fine. Being 19 I ignored the possibility that they would spring off. We got some odd looks at a traffic light as the people next to us tried to work out who was driving and how.

God know what I would say to one of my kids if they suggested something so daft.

Haha - reminds me of this story a few years ago

Police stop driver using a bucket as a seat and pliers for a steering wheel

COPS stopped a car and found it had no steering wheel and the driver using a bucket for a seat. The messy-looking Peugeot 206 was pulled over because it was missing a front bumper and a side sectio…

www.google.co.uk

 

[Oneball]

Not really a fix by me: Fuel gauge stuck on the Land Rover and just as I was thinking “it’s been a while since I filled up” it ran out. Came to a stop outside a row of houses. Bloke came out and gave me a can of fuel.

I bought him a pack of beer and a gallon of fuel the following day.

 

[Lozzer]

Fixed the choke (remember those?) on my Maestro (I know!) when I was an apprentice, finished work to a no start so popped back in and snaffled a Mig torch liner and a length of Mig wire, converting it to manual choke, sorted till I sold it lol

 

[Wanderer]

I was selling my Alfa 33, oil pressure light came on (think it was oil pressure) so I removed the bulb, blew it, can't remember how, and blackened the glass on the gas oven ring and put it back so it looked like it had blown.

Sold the car as seen, not my responsibility, guy should have checked it......

 

[Oneball]

I was selling my Alfa 33, oil pressure light came on (think it was oil pressure) so I removed the bulb, blew it, can't remember how, and blackened the glass on the gas oven ring and put it back so it looked like it had blown.

Sold the car as seen, not my responsibility, guy should have checked it......

You sir are the spawn of Satan, may Beelzebub visit upon you a pestilence of flatulence