Terrible Jokes Thread

[Andyk]

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”

 

[Andyk]

“The guy who invented the wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three? He was the genius.”

 

[happydaze]

“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning… that can keep me awake for days.”

I've been wondering for years - how did they make the first lathe??

 

[Andyk]

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

 

[Andyk]

“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

 

[Andyk]

“I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

 

[Andyk]

“I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.'”

 

[Andyk]

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

 

[Andyk]

“Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?'”

 

[Andyk]

“Velcro? What a rip-off!”

 

[Andyk]

“I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up!'”

 

[Andyk]

“I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said: ‘I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is.’ He said: ‘You have to love Easter, baby.'”

 

[Andyk]

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?'”

 

[Andyk]

“My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He’s a catholic converter.”

 

[Andyk]

“He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library’. I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.'”

 

[Andyk]

“So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went ‘T’PAU!’ I said ‘Don’t you mean KAPOW??’ He said ‘No, I’ve got china in my hand.'

 

[midlifecrisis]

Looks like Andyk has been hacked by Tim Vine

 

[zagatoes30]

Now you now how AndyK got his post count to over 50k

 

[Andyk]

Now you now how AndyK got his post count to over 50k

Well I Have been slacking of late Andy.

 

[2b1ask1]

Now you now how AndyK got his post count to over 50k

needs another 31 to make the No.1 spot this morning, don’t know if I have the time to read more though!