Terrible Jokes Thread

philw696

philw696

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For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no ******* bike!"
 
Felonious Crud

Felonious Crud

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Zep said:
-How does Moses make tea?
-Hebrews it.

No. Honestly. This Israeli how he does it.
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Did you know that Moses rode a motorbike? 'Tis true. The Bible says so: the roar of Moses' Triumph could be heard throughout the hills.

Also, God was more of a Plymouth man, back in the day at least. Those of you that studied hard in Bible class will remember that he drive Adam and Eve out of Eden in a Fury.
 
CatmanV2

CatmanV2

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Just having a drink and a chat with a bloke over a pint in my local last night.
I discovered he was worth around £4 million and he told me the amazing story of how he got so rich.
Basically when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell.
He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time.
He left school at 15 and bought an old series Land Rover and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto Defenders in the 90's and then onto Range Rovers in the last eight or nine years.
Even during the real bad times he plugged away.He worked long hours as you do in the Land Rover trade, sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
A real heartwarming story.

C
 
Saigon

Saigon

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CatmanV2 said:
Just having a drink and a chat with a bloke over a pint in my local last night.
I discovered he was worth around £4 million and he told me the amazing story of how he got so rich.
Basically when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell.
He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time.
He left school at 15 and bought an old series Land Rover and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto Defenders in the 90's and then onto Range Rovers in the last eight or nine years.
Even during the real bad times he plugged away.He worked long hours as you do in the Land Rover trade, sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
A real heartwarming story.

C
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Probably a drift, not a joke but the above reminded me of the following. A guy in South America became a millionaire purely by buying coconuts at £40 per ton and then selling them at £10 per ton, (or the equivalent in other currencies) how did he manage to do that ? And if it’s any help, it is entirely possible.
 
CatmanV2

CatmanV2

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Saigon said:
Probably a drift, not a joke but the above reminded me of the following. A guy in South America became a millionaire purely by buying coconuts at £40 per ton and then selling them at £10 per ton, (or the equivalent in other currencies) how did he manage to do that ? And if it’s any help, it is entirely possible.
Click to expand...

I'd take a guess that he bought them in the raw state with shells and all then sold the flesh alone?

C
 
Wattie

Wattie

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Saigon said:
Probably a drift, not a joke but the above reminded me of the following. A guy in South America became a millionaire purely by buying coconuts at £40 per ton and then selling them at £10 per ton, (or the equivalent in other currencies) how did he manage to do that ? And if it’s any help, it is entirely possible.
Click to expand...
So he bought them in lets say Egypt, Lebanon or Sudan......these countries all use the Pound.

Then he sells them in GBP pounds (which is a far stronger currency)

ie Purchase 40 egyption pounds per ton = 1.88GBP

sells at 10GBP= 212 egyption pounds

converts profit to rand and became millionaire?
 
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